The Cellar - View Single Post

BigV · 07-16-2009, 02:38 AM

The support from all of you is a welcome blessing and I thank you sincerely. I also send along grateful thanks from Tink.

M will be having surgery on Monday. She's having an operation to help her breathe, a tube (tracheotomy?), and Tink says the doctor's description was very scary about how M's body must adapt to this new breathing regimen, or else. She's very weak, and Tink fears that M may not survive the surgery.

Goddammit. I've been sitting on this news for hours. I don't know how to communicate to all of you the crushing fear and sadness that comes with helplessly watching a loved one suffer. Please let me be clear, this is in no way a poor me situation. I love Tink. I love M. I love her husband and their children. I love her father, my father-in-law. They are all suffering and all I can do is watch.

If it were for a larger purpose I could rationalize away the pain. If my child were suffering but there was a lesson to be learned cemented by the pain, I could watch that. I could watch that knowing that the suffering I witness was like the smoke and sizzle of a branding--elements that accompany the introduction of an important lesson, one that literally leaves a mark.

But what is the lesson of ALS? You have bad luck in the genetic lottery, you suck? Yeah. That's instructive. I am lost, and they are lost.

07-16-2009, 02:38 AM	#12
BigV Goon Squad Leader Join Date: Nov 2004 Location: Seattle Posts: 27,063	The support from all of you is a welcome blessing and I thank you sincerely. I also send along grateful thanks from Tink. M will be having surgery on Monday. She's having an operation to help her breathe, a tube (tracheotomy?), and Tink says the doctor's description was very scary about how M's body must adapt to this new breathing regimen, or else. She's very weak, and Tink fears that M may not survive the surgery. Goddammit. I've been sitting on this news for hours. I don't know how to communicate to all of you the crushing fear and sadness that comes with helplessly watching a loved one suffer. Please let me be clear, this is in no way a poor me situation. I love Tink. I love M. I love her husband and their children. I love her father, my father-in-law. They are all suffering and all I can do is watch. If it were for a larger purpose I could rationalize away the pain. If my child were suffering but there was a lesson to be learned cemented by the pain, I could watch that. I could watch that knowing that the suffering I witness was like the smoke and sizzle of a branding--elements that accompany the introduction of an important lesson, one that literally leaves a mark. But what is the lesson of ALS? You have bad luck in the genetic lottery, you suck? Yeah. That's instructive. I am lost, and they are lost. __________________ Be Just and Fear Not.