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Originally Posted by sean
He never engaged in any kind of inappropriate conduct with me, he just looked after me and offered me friendship. In hindsight, there was a mildly erotic aspect to our friendship and some physical affection, but it didn't bother me then and it doesn't bother me now. Since that time, right up til the present day, I've had to listen to people vilify him and speculate about his sexuality, and to be honest, it distresses me. He was like a father for me.
Maybe I was lucky. Maybe he went further with other boys, but if he did, they've never publicised it. The question is, what is the difference between this beneficial relationship between a child an a paedophile and one which extends to physical intimacy? If all these things you say about 'power' and 'emotional maturity' are going to problematize eroticism between an adult and a child, wouldn't they apply regardless of any physical expression? This is certainly the view held by some.
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I'm glad you had a positive experience with this sort of thing--though I'll be honest and say that I don't think it was actually that positive for you overall. There's no way we can know how you would have turned out if you'd never had this relationship with this adult, so the point is moot.
However, as a counter to your anecdote, I have my own experience with this type of situation. Except in my case, the adult in question made me massively uncomfortable every moment I had to be around him. The fact that he didn't touch me sexually didn't make his touch any less abhorrent, and his stated and demonstrated "love" for me put me in a terrible position of resenting him and fearing the loss of his approval. As far as he knew I appreciated his company and loved him back, because I felt I had no choice. I could sense from a young age what his feelings were regardless of the fact that he never acted on them. And while I suppose I can appreciate the fact that he never pushed it farther, that didn't stop the repeated nightmares about being raped by him, which continued for years after I ceased having to be in contact with him.
This man's power and emotional abuse were indeed inherent in his "love" for me. And while you may say your relationship with your mentor had a positive effect on you, the fact remains that there was no way your mentor could have known for sure that was how it would turn out. Maybe it didn't work out as well with other boys, whether he touched them or not. I say if what you're doing has the chance of emotionally scarring a child, you must not do it, even if it falls within the realm of "harmless" from a legal standpoint.