I was due over for coffee/whatever and chat around 1pm today. she called to say she needed to nap, could I make it more like 2? I said sure, I was running late anyway (not unusual, source of much amusement....) So around 2:05 I'm in the garage reaching up to get my bike down to go over there and the phone rings. I'm thinking maybe it's her husband to say she's still asleep hold off, so I go back in to answer and it's her saying "Can you take me to the ER?"
Change of plan, grab book, can of coke,head for car. There in 5, she's on the phone to the hospital. After a few call backs she gets an immediate appt in the cancer center. So we set off.
Apparently, she was feeling crappy towards 1, so took a Vicodin and went for a nap. she didn't get much because of some door-to-door asshole who could see her on the couch and wouldn't go away... and when she finally stood up, her arm on her surgery side had major lymphodema, extreme pain and tingling numbness.
So off we went to get it checked out. they are concerned there may be skin infection so she got antibiotics, more pain meds and an appt with the physio to help teach her to massage the arm. All very scary and I think mostly she just needed reassuring from the medical establishment that her arm wasn't going to drop off.
I was able to remind her to ask about what was really bothering her -the sudden onset- as well as the cause of the symptoms themselves, so that made me feel useful, but it pained me how embarrassed she is by the appearance of her wound. She describes it in detail, but then is concerned that i might have seen it accidentally and been horrified while I was helping her untangle the drain tubes from her bandages, and i just feel totally helpless on this one...
She doesn't (currently) want to go through reconstruction or wear a fake boob but she feels that it's "rude" if she doesn't because it will make people uncomfortable. Fuck other people I say, and so does she in a less vulnerable state, but this idea is re-enforced by the hospital -ffs -who give them a falsie to wear home from the (outpatient) surgery. I'm sure it's intended to make women who can't cope with the idea of having a missing boob feel better, but they might at least ask rather than just presenting it like there's an expectation to appear complete at all times....