|
I should probably add that I also am an 'escape addict'. Alcohol is only my chosen escape if my preferred escape option (pot) is unavailable; however I am totally addicted to the act of consumption. Pot, alcohol, cigarettes, food. I am unable to relax if I am not engaged in some form of consumption. If I am awake, then I am consuming. The only reason i am not obese is that I inherited my father's ridiculously fast metabolism. I am, however, far from 'healthy' and much of what i do is bad for me.
I am also addicted to other means of escape: mostly this is in the form of tv shows and books. But again, like everything else I do I take it to extremes. Whatever my current obsession is, be it Doctor Who or House MD, or BSG or whatever...I live and breathe that for days, weeks, months. I do this to the point that it becomes self-destructive: I feel guilt at not doing the things I should be doing (work, study, housework etc) and sink further into my obsession, often losing entire days to it, or even entire weeks. Thereby increasing my level of guilt and consequently increasing my need to escape: vicious cycle.
Like Sundae, once I start I am unable to stop. I will feed that obsession with whatever money is available to me. I have been known to buy books/audio plays/videos with the last of the money in my bank when I have no clue what I'll be eating for the next week. If I sit down at 6pm to watch an episode of House (my most recent obsession) it would not be unusual to find me still sitting there at 2am having gorged myself on 10 episodes in a row.
I am a dysfunctional obsessive. That's just how I am. From time to time that is a problem. Mostly I get by ok. The only reason I am able to live in my own house rather than at my mum's is because houses are cheap to rent in the north. The only reason said house is not actually falling down around my ears is that from time to time mum rescues me from my own incompetance/lack of effort/depression induced squalor.
I say this, because I want you (Sundae) to realise that actually most of us are dysfunctional in our own ways. Changing that dysfunction is fucking hard to do. Wanting to change it is also hard. I admire the progress you've made, precisely because its stomps all over the distinct lack of progress I have made :P I don't think you have even the first clue how much I admire you.
I also don't think you realise how much I and others like you. You have an absolutely sparkling personality. You are really good fun to be with. If you liked yourself even half as much as others like you, you'd be insufferable :P
|