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Vegetarian meat is actually a lot better than it sounds. I wouldn't really call it meat, per se - but it's really no different than, say, a boca burger (in texture). If you are okay with tofu, than it wouldn't be anything surprising or unusual.
Of course I have eaten it a few times and thought it really was meat. I've also seen a live cat thrown in a pot of boiling oil in China; I made sure to steer clear of that restaurant.
Yeah, chinese menus in the U.S. are generally pretty ridiculous. I've played English consultant for a few foreign businesses (nothing major though - I wonder if I should make a career out of that). I will admit that whoever started coming up with these american names for chinese foods was pretty creative - they're quite different from the traditional names.
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