JB...there's no such thing as "sucking" at religion. You find what you need in this world, we all do. (I'll interject here that if there is a god certainly I'm not the worst person ever, trying to live a decent life should mean something, so becoming obsessed with religion as a way of salvation isn't the answer. Salvation comes in overcoming everyday trials.) Self-awareness is key, and I think you are looking for that, as am I.
