I don't know enough about your relationship to have any real insight so I'll just throw some thoughts out for discussion/reflection.
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Originally Posted by lumberjim
]I included that quote because it reinforces the message that love is an act, not an intent.
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As UT eluded to, it is a repeated act. Not just a one time deal. The act itself may also change over time.
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I say I want us to be together forever, but I did unconscious things that belied that desire.
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Perhaps the question here is why? Do/did you not feel that you are worthy or do you think perhaps that you did these things for some other reason?
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She sees very clearly (because I've done so repeatedly) that I am capable of making very grandiose and poignant statements of love and commitment. She has also seen me behave in a way that contradict those statements enough times to realize that I tend to forget those promises eventually.
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Sounds like you are in tune with the overall plan and the desired END result, but those tiny everyday individual tasks to achieve said plan may be getting overlooked.
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My intent and my actions have been at odds. This had the added impact of causing my wife to wonder WHY. WHY would I NOT want to be loving more than i want to (eat/drink/sneak)? All I can say is that it is my damage, not hers, and I am very ashamed that my actions caused her that kind of pain and self doubt.
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BOLD MINE - Perhaps admitting and accepting that which you are responsible for coupled with the realization of the ramifications of your actions may lead to the desire and ability to counter past negative behaviors and lead to more positive ones.
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I must be aware of the things I do, and consistent in what I say about the way I feel. I need to be accountable in my actions for the words I use.
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Originally Posted by Undertoad
What's a tim tam?
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Who is Tim?