[lumberjim]

these two are ironic in that they happened on the same day and they both relate to car business euphemisms.

hurry up! my customer is peeing his pants!

translation: (salesman) I have been waiting so long for you to bring this guy in to do his paperwork, that I have run out of anecdotes and distractions, and I'm afraid my customer might come out of the ether, so could you please hurry the fuck up? And he's in a hurry.

Old guy.....yup....he actually peed his pants.

that was in the morning.

I shoved him into the car

translation: used a strong tack and bullied the customer into buying a car right then

this one's a bit longer


Ok, so it's 5 minutes after closing time, and everyone but one salesman is gone. I was the salesmanager at the time, and the former finance manager and I are waiting for the salesman to finish with his "up" and leave so we can lock up and go home.

The salesman, John, is a superpolite, 30 yrs of experience pro. The customers weighed 900 lbs together, easy. the husband is a good 550 of it. Arm in a sling. terry cloth v neck mumu-shirt. The wife has one of those canes with 4 feet on it.

Wife and John are outside looking at a car, and husband is wandering around the showroom. He is stalking this poor little red PT Cruiser that is sitting there in the showroom minding it's own business. Rich(the former finance manager) and I are standing around talking or whatever, and Hubby opens the driver door. My eyebrow went up. (just one) I can see it aint gonna work. he can't, apparently.

I didn't think he'd try to get in, but he did, well, almost. he got about 1/2 way in, realized that it wasn;t going to work, as the seat wasn;t even all the way back, lost his balance and wound up jammed in between the steering wheel and the seat, with his arm (the one in the sling) hooked over the top of the door.
then he started screaming.

oh.........my.....god.........

it sounded like MR Bill

I didn't know what the hell to do, so I just reacted, and tried to help him up. he was sweaty. and really hot to the touch. he eventually got his feet back under him and was able to hoist himself out of the tight spot he was in. He was OK. phew!

i couldn't get outside fast enough......it took a herculean effort to maintain a concerned, but unperturbed expression on my face, and not embarrass the poor guy. "y'all right? You sure? do you want to sit down"

after about 10 minutes I had settled down, but John is still with these two. apparently the problem with the seat not being back all the way was because the battery had died in the showroom. So john, ever the optimist, gets a booster box, hooks up power, puts the power seat all the way back, tilts the wheel all the way up, and they're going to try again. jesus.

this time hubby gets 3/4 of the way in, but cant get his foot up over the door sill and he's still pressed up against the steering wheel. i had to look away.....thankfully i was still outside looking in through the plate glass, so they couldn't hear us wincing and " oh, dear god!" ing. When I looked back, John is literally shoving this guy into the car to try to get him past what ever he was hung up on.

they gave up.

then they got in their Eagle Talon?!?!? and drove away!