[footfootfoot]

Here it is, Nick Danger:

Four hours later I parked my car in the carriage house and (cornstarch footsteps) walked up a grey gravel driveway between a line of dwarf maples towards the pillared entrance of the Same Mansion. It had been snowing in Santa Barbara ever since the top of the page and I had to shake the cornstarch off my mukluks as I lifted the heavy obsidian doorknocker. Hey in there... open up. Your doorknocker fell off.

CATHERWOOD

(door open) What's all this brouhaha?

NICK

Brouhaha? Ha ha ha...

CATHERWOOD

Ha ha ha ha ha....(door close)

NICK

Wait...Wait a minute. Don't you want this doorknocker?

CATHERWOOD

(away) I already have one.

NICK

But this is yours....

CATHERWOOD

You see? I told you. We use to have another one but he vanished mysteriously. (door open) All right, come in out of the cornstarch and dry your mukluks by the fire. (fire/cellophane/door close) Let me introduce myself. I am Nick Danger.


NICK

No, let me introduce myself. I am Nick Danger.

CATHERWOOD

If you're so smart, why don't you pick up your cues faster?

NICK

Are those my cues?

CATHERWOOD

Yes, and they must be dry by now. Why don't you pull them up out of the cellophane before they scorch. (stop cellophane) Heh. All right, sir, may I take your hat and goat? (baa)

NICK

Yes.

CATHERWOOD

Now, I assume you've come to see my mistress Mr. Danger.

NICK

I don't care about your private life or what his name is. I’ve come to see Nancy. Uh, uh.... Mrs. Haber.