Quote:
Originally Posted by BigV
It is getting closer each day.
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It is here!
Today is D-Day.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Aliantha
Divorce day?
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No more callers, please, we have a BINGO.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Griff
Dalliance Day, let freedom ring, ringless!
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"Ringless"??? A bit of foreshadowing there, Griff? You get the consolation prize.
Today is my one year Divorce Anniversary. (Divorce-rary?)
Actually, the prize metaphor falls apart when I consider how much my life has changed over the past couple years. /begin flashback/
Tink and I met and married and raised our kids and all was well. But our lives changed, our kids and our circumstances changed. We changed. This is normal, unsurprising. But our relational habits didn't change, we didn't adapt to our new realities. This, then, became the source of considerable tension. Many of you were witness to this, felt some of the shockwaves of the conflict in our marriage. I can report from ground zero that it sucked worse than everything else I'd ever endured. I wouldn't wish that kind of pain on a snake.
It was a long time coming. In Aug of 2007 she filed for divorce. It was something of an ambush and while that filing was ultimately unsuccessful, our bond was fractured, never to be mended. We reconciled and spent several months actually happy to be together again. You all witnessed some of this, too. Most of 2008 was pretty good. Toward the end of the year, the shine on our marriage wore off for Tink, though I would not know this until the new year. In Jan 2009, Tink told me once again she wanted a divorce, this time in person.
The strain of the previous divorce filing was so great and the length of our reconciliation was so short, that I could not, would not battle her again to preserve our marriage. Funny choice of words, eh? That's what the first reconciliation felt like. But by this time, I was out of gas. I acceeded to her wishes. So began almost a year of mortal combat about the dissolution of our marriage.
I don't feel like recounting all the details of this harrowing journey here. It was terrible. I felt terrible. I had felt I had no experience or tools to deal with my impending singleness. My whole world was positively gravid with change, and I did *not* want to be born.
But those new babies are born nonetheless, wailing and screaming in powerless protest at the blinding, icy change thrust upon them. They complain until they're exhausted then they collapse, and so did I. Their exercise and experience makes them stronger, and so did mine. Eventually, they complain for reasons, instead of about everything, and so did I. Eventually their world changes from one of terrifying unknowns to one of wonderous mysteries, and so did mine.
Today marks the end of a one year self imposed embargo on discussing my personal life. I have experienced more wonderous mysteries this year than in the previous ten years put together. There have been many more new personal records set, and broken, and re-broken throughout the year. It is no exaggeration to say that I am a new man. There is much about me that many of you would not recognize, though some of you sagely predicted such changes.
It is late now and I am going to retire. But I wanted to take notice of this day. I want to acknowledge all those whose interest and care and input brought me to this point. Even Tink, to whom I sent a nice message today. I won't say this transition has been painless--it has been anything but painless. But pain is instructive. And now I bear the scars from my experience, healed scars. I hope that my thoughts and actions reflect some learning and wisdom I gained from my instruction.