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You're going to go into lurker mode aren't you? All reading and no writing.
Maybe you can get one of those fancy phone apps that does voice recognition typing.
Phone: "Did you say, 'that's not sharp it's a golf pin.'?"
footfootfoot: "No!"
Phone: "Sorry. Command not recognized. Try again."
footfootfoot: "That's not a shark, it's a dolphin."
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