[classicman]

According to Wisconsin state senator Tim Carpenter (D), Governor Scott Walker “will not talk, will not communicate, will not return phone calls.” That gave one liberal blogger an idea: “Who could get through to Gov. Walker? Well, what do we know about Walker and his proposed union-busting, no-bid budget? The obvious candidate was David Koch”–whose PAC donated about forty grand to Walker’s campaign, and who personally gave a million to the Republican Governors Association. So, posing as Koch, the blogger phoned the governor’s office, got through, had a twenty-minute conversation with Walker–and recorded the whole thing.

Highlights:

Walker and his allies plan to pass a rule holding that if state senators don’t show up for two consecutive days when the senate is in session, the chief clerk will block direct deposit and force senators to pick up their checks in person. The clerk plans to have the checks locked in the desks of legislators on the floor of the senate. “Beautiful,” replies faux-Koch.

The governor is investigating whether the unions are paying to put up the fourteen Democratic senators who have left Wisconsin, which might constitute an ethics-code violation “and may very well be a felony.” Misunderstanding the governor’s point, faux-Koch responds: “They’re probably putting hobos in suits. That’s what we do.”

“The other thing,” Walker says, “is I’ve got layoff notices ready. We put out the at-risk notices. We’ll announce Thursday, and they’ll go out early next week, and probably about five to six thousand state workers will get at-risk notices for layoffs. We might ratchet that up a bit too.” To which faux-Kock says: “Beautiful, beautiful. Gotta crush that union.”

Walker remains unfazed, going on to describe his plan to lure the fourteen Dems back to Wisconsin. While promising faux-Koch he won’t “cave,” Walker says he’s going to tell the Democrats he’s willing to sit down and “talk, not negotiate”–but only if all fourteen Democrats ”come back and sit down in the state assembly.” They “can recess it…but they’ll have to be back there.” Why? “We’re verifying it…but legally, we believe, once they have gone into session they don’t physically have to be there. If they’re actually in session for that day and they take a recess, nineteen senate Republicans could then go into action and they’d have a quorum because they started out that way.”

Walker reassures faux-Koch: “If you heard that I was gonna talk to them, that would be the only reason why…. Hell, I’ll talk to them. If they want to yell at me for an hour, I’m used to that. But I’m not negotiating–”

Faux-Koch: “–Bring a baseball bat. That’s what I’d do.”

Walker: “I have one in my office. You’d be happy with that. I’ve got a Slugger with my name on it.”

Faux-Koch: “Beautiful.”

Later, faux-Koch suggests they plant “trouble-makers” among the protesters, and Walker counsels against it–but not before admitting that “we thought about that.”

Near the end of the call, Walker shares a touching moment just before “we dropped the bomb.” Earlier this month, the governor and his cabinet were dining at his residence. Walker produced a photo of Ronald Reagan, explaining that the late president “had one of the most defining moments of his political career…when he fired the air-traffic controllers. To me that moment…was the first crack in the Berlin Wall and the fall of Communism. Because from that point forward, the Soviets and the Communists knew that Ronald Reagan wasn’t a pushover.”

“Well, I tell you what, Scott, once you crush these bastards, I’ll fly you out to Cali and really show you a good time,” faux-Koch replies.

“That would be outstanding,” Walker says. “We’re doing the just and right thing for the right reasons and it’s all about getting our freedoms back.”

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