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In order:
1) It doesn't matter what site I'm connecting to, as I'd noted. If I have more than one window open, attempting to connect to different sites, one won't connect faster than the other. Both (and a telnet connection as well, if I'm trying to open one then) will hang, then both will resolve at the same time.
2) No swapping. I've cleared my IE cache, with no change. I've defragged recently, as well.
3) I have a dynamic IP. If it's sitting idle for hours and I come back to it, a delay is understandable. If my idle time is about thirty seconds, it's not.
4) AOL sucks big thick monkey rocks, and getting away from AOL is half the reason that I talked my dad into getting DSL in the first place.
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