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Riddil · 02-12-2004, 03:06 PM

This post is about women in general and how it's typically easier for a man to con a woman into marriage, rather than vice versa. So stacey, if you don't feel that this is a match for how you feel, then disregard this post.

Many women judge how much a man loves them by his direct actions. It's measured by how often he says he loves you, or how often he surprises you with a gift, and by the compliments he offers. Love is felt through reinforcing words/actions that are directly expressed.

But most men measure love differently. You can flood him with gifts and compliments, many of which are forgotten 5 seconds later. A man measures love by the things that his S.O. sacrifices to help him. A romantic dinner is OK. But a dinner you cooked for him when he knows you worked a long hard day and then spent hours in the kitchen will send his heart a-swelling.

That's why it's easy for con men to fool the average woman. He can be devoid of feeling, and yet force himself into a regiment of compliments & gifts which the woman observes to be symbols of his love.

Anyhow, you take this next bit with a grain of salt b/c you're probably a little too observant of his behavior right now. What I'd recommend is to not only be grateful for his kind words, but also measure what he sacrifices for you... even the insignificant things, like buying whole milk for you when he prefers skim. Does he make personal sacrifices to make your life better/happier? Or when it comes down to it does it seem like if anything is better for *him*, then that's the way it's going to be? (Don't get carried away though, don't expect a man to always sacrifice himself, just watch for the occassional ones that prove he's thinking about you, and values your happiness).

It's much, much harder to fake that behavior, especially since most con men expect only their words/gifts to be enough to prove their love, and aren't expecting you to measure them in any other way.

I've seen so many of my friends fall into this trap. And when they explain through tears to me how the break-up was "all so unexpected", I look at the last 6 months where he mechanically recited "I love you" while doing whatever was best for him in the moment, and I'm not surprised.

It's a sad place to be.

02-12-2004, 03:06 PM	#13
Riddil Management Consultant Join Date: Aug 2002 Posts: 165	This post is about women in general and how it's typically easier for a man to con a woman into marriage, rather than vice versa. So stacey, if you don't feel that this is a match for how you feel, then disregard this post. Many women judge how much a man loves them by his direct actions. It's measured by how often he says he loves you, or how often he surprises you with a gift, and by the compliments he offers. Love is felt through reinforcing words/actions that are directly expressed. But most men measure love differently. You can flood him with gifts and compliments, many of which are forgotten 5 seconds later. A man measures love by the things that his S.O. sacrifices to help him. A romantic dinner is OK. But a dinner you cooked for him when he knows you worked a long hard day and then spent hours in the kitchen will send his heart a-swelling. That's why it's easy for con men to fool the average woman. He can be devoid of feeling, and yet force himself into a regiment of compliments & gifts which the woman observes to be symbols of his love. Anyhow, you take this next bit with a grain of salt b/c you're probably a little too observant of his behavior right now. What I'd recommend is to not only be grateful for his kind words, but also measure what he sacrifices for you... even the insignificant things, like buying whole milk for you when he prefers skim. Does he make personal sacrifices to make your life better/happier? Or when it comes down to it does it seem like if anything is better for him, then that's the way it's going to be? (Don't get carried away though, don't expect a man to always sacrifice himself, just watch for the occassional ones that prove he's thinking about you, and values your happiness). It's much, much harder to fake that behavior, especially since most con men expect only their words/gifts to be enough to prove their love, and aren't expecting you to measure them in any other way. I've seen so many of my friends fall into this trap. And when they explain through tears to me how the break-up was "all so unexpected", I look at the last 6 months where he mechanically recited "I love you" while doing whatever was best for him in the moment, and I'm not surprised. It's a sad place to be.