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You know JB, if it's you've found God and you're afraid of not being accepted into heaven because of things you did when your illness was controlling you, maybe you need to talk to your minister? It's my understanding that God will forgive your sins and transgressions as long as you repent, which seems to me to be what you've done.
You maybe just need to forgive yourself now and recognise that the things you've done were done by a different person. not the person you are now.
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Kind words are the music of the world. F. W. Faber
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