[OnyxCougar]

Originally posted by Beestie
Inflection my dear Cougar. She doesn't want to stay but she is more frightened of leaving. It is the resolution of a dilemma - rarely a pretty sight.

OK. Let me present it thus: She doesn't want to stay. That's the only part I need to hear. I was beat for over 2 years. Bones dislocated. Raped with knives. And you know what? I didn't want to stay but I was too frightened to go.

Now. Mr. Wonderful doesn't beat her. But the core of the matter is the same. SHE DOESN'T WANT TO STAY. She has to, by her OWN admission, find a reason not to leave. Why isn't this running up red flags to everyone reading this thread??

She starts out upset because she feels like she can't trust him. He tells her over and over she can. But yet, she can't trust him. She doesn't know even now if he's lying or not when he says she can trust him. She's what-if'ing herself to insanity. People give her all kinds of advice, she keeps going on about how she can't trust him, and doesn't know what to do.

If I don't want to be at a party, I leave. If I can't trust the man I'm with, I will leave. Even if I fucked up, maybe he didn't do anything wrong. Even if I was mistaken in thinking I couldn't trust him, the trust was still broken, even if it was broken in error. He put himself in a situation in which his feelings could even remotely be called into question. He saved those letters (they must mean alot to him).

Stacey (1)You don't want to stay (2)You have to LOOK for reasons compelling enough not to leave a person you don't trust.

That says to me: Get the fuck out.

But, as I've stated in other threads, you're gonna do what you're gonna do. Therapist is a good idea if you want to stay. First thing the therapist will ask you is "Do you want this relationship to work?" If you even hesitate in answering that question, it's not worth the time or money to see a counselor. (And "yes, but only if he does this or that..." doesn't count.) You either love him unconditionally or you don't. You either trust him completely or you don't. And if you don't, then get out now. If you do, then there's no problem, is there?

Again, I hope things work out well for you either way.