At my worst I had nothing to live for except the fear of an unsuccessful suicide.
I did try to believe in a power higher than myself, but I had no hook to hang it on.
Going to meetings where everyone else's hook was a definite deity - and one who intervened in matters in obscure ways which to me screamed coincidence - just alienated me.
Abstract ideas are all well and good, but when you come down to the meat and bones of AA they just don't cut it. At least none of them did for me.
Again - as Joe says - I was not deliberately excluded.
But the person I am means I simply cannot follow the 12 Step programme as it is set out.
No-one said I wasn't wanted, but it wasn't possible to commit. And for AA to work you really have to commit. Alcohol is a hard thing to quit and something I haven't managed yet.
And yes, as Sam suggests, my external power could be FSM.
But as she implies, I'd have to have belief in order to do so.
FSM is just cute shorthand to me.