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he has insurance through the car dealership he works at. i already went by myself last week, and we are going together on tuesday. so, i guess we are doing something about it. it didn't accomplish anything for me when i went. i sat there and talked a mile a minute for an hour, and then we made an appointment for next week. he didn't say much, except that arsen has the emotional maturity of a 16 year old and that i am high strung and that i need therapy of my own outside of marriage counseling - no shit, sherlock.
arsen is continuing to treat me with love and kindness. he is always kissing me and saying he wants his wife back. he doesn't want a greencard deal, he wants me to love him like i used to...
eva and i are communicating through e-mails. she says she wants to be my friend, that i should be there for arsen and love him like a mother, etc. she says she will pray for our marriage and she will not write to arsen unless he writes to her first.
i want to love him and forgive him. i've already decided to stay. i am just having a hard time with it. i don't seem to have feelings anymore. i am numb. i can have sex with him, but it's cheap and shallow. i cook for him, but it doesn't make me happy that i'm doing something nice for him. and anytime i hear a song on the radio from when we were dating and falling in love, it makes me sick. our past is shit. i don't feel warm when he holds me and when he says sweet, loving things, i don't listen. so, i guess this is what i'll address in therapy. i really want to repair us, and i am hoping that someday my feelings will come back. and, we ARE doing something about it. p.s. i am a virgo too.
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