Wow. It's done. I didn't arrive in smalltown until this morning at precisely the appointment time with the lawyer, so avoided the one-to-one meeting trap. I was able to stay with one of my sons last night and watch some fireworks that were fantastic - spent a great evening, and my son was very supportive about today. He canceled his plans to spend the afternoon and evening with me!
The lawyer kept it short and sweet and, to my surprise, stbx signed off and it'll be done within a few days. I walked out feeling a little unsure of my feet - couldn't believe it.
The moment we got outside, stb-x started in on money - how, now that he's been so 'generous', we have to change the verbal arrangement about the kids. I shut. him. down. Told him nothing doing, our original agreements all still stand. Didn't tell him he dodged a major bullet - if he thinks he's been generous, it's nothing to what could've been. I'm going to keep that in reserve for when he gets persistent about $$, as he will. (If he reneges on the kids, of course I'll keep them going. I just won't be his bullied silent partner.) He quickly backed down, saying he wants to stay friendly because - wait for it - he seriously wants me to remarry him in two years. He really thinks that will happen.
If he really thinks that, I have a bridge to sell him.
Now that it's done, I don't feel the same intimidation I did before, the worry that everything would blow up and I'd spend years in court. Even if I walk away with a little less, this is totally worth it. There'll be no reason for him to be checking up on me, as there would be if I'd gone for permanent alimony. I just don't want him to have any justification for stalking me.
So ... wow. On my way to Canada to be there for my dad's surgery, and I just can't believe it. Thank you, guys, all your good advice and support has been a godsend. And Bruce, if - IF - I have to meet with him again I'll definitely go the old housecoat-torn stockings-runny nose route!!
Great idea!!