Home from work, doing so much better today. Because of you guys. Honestly.
Thank you, thank you, thank you. Last night was my collapse, my stream-of-consciousness ohmygod that you all fielded. And sent me back sensible, caring, practical advice and good thoughts.
I've read my references, I know the worst case scenario and I have at least some idea of how I'll approach things if it turns out to be that. If it's not, that's cake. If it's totally benign, I'll buy all you guys a virtual drink (sorry, wish it could be real) and send in a big tip to the tip mug.
(Actually, I'll do that anyway! But if I could buy you guys a drink, I would ...)
In the meantime I have horses to ride and cows to herd ... packing up my stuff and I'm going to enjoy every minute of this weekend, from the airport (maybe have a drink on the plane, just for the hell of it) to the campground and back. I'm going to enjoy every minute with my daughter, who is THE BEST, most amazing young woman I've ever met. And then we'll see. If it's bad, I think I'll go see what the night sky looks like from the bottom of the Grand Canyon, or go to Maine, or ... somewhere cool ... before things begin. And I'll beat the f*cker. Because I did NOT come this far to lie down and be beaten at this point.
(Note to BigV: thanks for your note about karma. Imagine if I'd found this a few weeks ago, before my divorce was final, before I'd moved out? Talk about being roped back in! At least I can now deal with this on MY terms. So yes, maybe this isn't bad karma after all.)