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SamIam · 08-14-2012, 04:42 PM

I was talking with a friend this morning, and he happened to mention a website where you can look up many public records for free. I've come across these sites myself, and they always want money, so I was skeptical of his find. I decided to check it out myself, and I was surprised at the amount of information it contained.

I looked up myself then a bunch of friends from the past, and then I looked up my ex-husband. After he remarried we lost touch with each other, and haven't been in contact for years. So, I was surprised to see that he was listed as being divorced twice, and is now single again. (I knew that woman was just going to be trouble, and it turns out I was right).

My ex has turned into a big fish in a small pond. If anyone here is a fly fisherman who ties his own flies, you would recognize my ex's name. He has his own website (found that on Google) which lists his e-mail address.

We were married for 20 years - most of them good. Unfortunately, I was more interested in drinking than I was in staying married, so we parted ways a long time ago. However, we remained good friends until he met the woman who eventually became his second wife. After that he backed away, and I can understand that.

So, here we are today. I have been sober for over 3 years, and he is now single. I would be lying if I said I didn't entertain a fantasy of us getting back together - after all, it's not unheard of for couples remarry each other - sometimes after many years have passed.

However, my common sense informs me that we are two vastly different people than the two kids who met each other at the University of Colorado when I was 20 and he was 21. Still, I always feel that in a way we grew up together. We married a year after we met, and remained good friends for 3 years after the official divorce - that's 24 years of shared history.

My ex was my best friend as well as my lover and husband, and I can't help but wonder how he's doing (snappy website aside). If we could renew our relationship on a strictly platonic level, I'd be satisfied with that. Really, I would. I have so many questions to ask him and so many stories of my own to tell him. This long silence has always felt un-natural to me.

But I don't want him to feel like I'm stalking him or something, and I certainly don't want him to think that I'm a gold digger trying to get back into his life now that he's successful. I helped give him his start in his writing career, BTW. There were many years when he was trying to break into the field and getting stacks of rejection letters in the mail. I supported us both through that time, and was glad to do it. The result was a lyrical book, entitled "Seasonal," and I still think it contains some of the finest prose he's written to date (available thru Amazon, snap it up now!). He was up and running as a writer at last after the publication of that book.

I now have his telephone number, but I'd be very uncomfortable calling him out of the blue. I was thinking it would be less emotionally charged to send him a brief e-mail, keep it light, and write him in the same sort of manner that one old college friend might use with another. I'll leave it up to him if he wants to renew communication. If he doesn't reply, I'll know better than to continue to keep sending him e-mails.

I know that very possibly I'm setting myself up to for disappointment, as well as regret. But then again, what if I was able to get my old/new friend E. back? Shouldn't I at least give it a try?

Sorry this was so long. I'd appreciate any comments and/or suggestions from anyone who made it this far.

- Sleepless in Cortez

Sent by a nighthawk with the message attached to his leg.

08-14-2012, 04:42 PM	#1
SamIam Registered User Join Date: Jun 2007 Location: Not here Posts: 2,655	Should I contact my ex? I was talking with a friend this morning, and he happened to mention a website where you can look up many public records for free. I've come across these sites myself, and they always want money, so I was skeptical of his find. I decided to check it out myself, and I was surprised at the amount of information it contained. I looked up myself then a bunch of friends from the past, and then I looked up my ex-husband. After he remarried we lost touch with each other, and haven't been in contact for years. So, I was surprised to see that he was listed as being divorced twice, and is now single again. (I knew that woman was just going to be trouble, and it turns out I was right). My ex has turned into a big fish in a small pond. If anyone here is a fly fisherman who ties his own flies, you would recognize my ex's name. He has his own website (found that on Google) which lists his e-mail address. We were married for 20 years - most of them good. Unfortunately, I was more interested in drinking than I was in staying married, so we parted ways a long time ago. However, we remained good friends until he met the woman who eventually became his second wife. After that he backed away, and I can understand that. So, here we are today. I have been sober for over 3 years, and he is now single. I would be lying if I said I didn't entertain a fantasy of us getting back together - after all, it's not unheard of for couples remarry each other - sometimes after many years have passed. However, my common sense informs me that we are two vastly different people than the two kids who met each other at the University of Colorado when I was 20 and he was 21. Still, I always feel that in a way we grew up together. We married a year after we met, and remained good friends for 3 years after the official divorce - that's 24 years of shared history. My ex was my best friend as well as my lover and husband, and I can't help but wonder how he's doing (snappy website aside). If we could renew our relationship on a strictly platonic level, I'd be satisfied with that. Really, I would. I have so many questions to ask him and so many stories of my own to tell him. This long silence has always felt un-natural to me. But I don't want him to feel like I'm stalking him or something, and I certainly don't want him to think that I'm a gold digger trying to get back into his life now that he's successful. I helped give him his start in his writing career, BTW. There were many years when he was trying to break into the field and getting stacks of rejection letters in the mail. I supported us both through that time, and was glad to do it. The result was a lyrical book, entitled "Seasonal," and I still think it contains some of the finest prose he's written to date (available thru Amazon, snap it up now!). He was up and running as a writer at last after the publication of that book. I now have his telephone number, but I'd be very uncomfortable calling him out of the blue. I was thinking it would be less emotionally charged to send him a brief e-mail, keep it light, and write him in the same sort of manner that one old college friend might use with another. I'll leave it up to him if he wants to renew communication. If he doesn't reply, I'll know better than to continue to keep sending him e-mails. I know that very possibly I'm setting myself up to for disappointment, as well as regret. But then again, what if I was able to get my old/new friend E. back? Shouldn't I at least give it a try? Sorry this was so long. I'd appreciate any comments and/or suggestions from anyone who made it this far. - Sleepless in Cortez Sent by a nighthawk with the message attached to his leg.