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Kitsune · 03-01-2004, 11:57 AM

...but who isn't? I know I've got my issues, some of them serious. I've seen immense spillings of depression and life stories on this board and the 'net in general and, in all, I think it is a bit of a good thing. It always feels good to get stuff off your chest. So, here's to mental issues!

What are the issues in my head? I went through some depression mixed with anxiety, but I was able to get through it. It was not fun times and, for awhile, I was quite sure I needed to see someone about it, as an unusual fear of death became a little too overwhelming at times. While I never went to see a shrink concerning my days in the dumps, I did see a cardiologist about my heart pounding all the time and the occasional skipped beat. He kicked me out, told me to not come back, and to find something that made me happy and take my mind off of work. I elected to not go the way of drugs and I think it was a wise decision -- too many people, I know, are on various doctor issued drugs for their problems and I've seen a lot of people changed for the worse because of it. Many of them lost their creativity and interest in having fun when they started taking pills for ADD/depression/etc. They were very much changed people, almost as much as someone who had become addicted to illegal drugs.

Insurance companies, by the way, are real assholes when it comes to dealing with all of the above issues.

My other issue is one that made my childhood days really difficult -- I had a hard time explaining to teachers and other students various things concerning math, numbers, and music. The problem was bad enough that I was nearly held because because of my inability to concentrate and comprehend. It wasn't until years later that I began reading about synethsia, a disease in which the pathways in the brain cause senses to be confused or crossed, that I found parallels and an explanation for what I was experiencing that no one else seemed to understand. I associate numbers and letters with specific colors (2 is blue, 3 is yellow, 4 is green, 5 is a deep red, etc) and if numbers or letters are presented in colors other than what I know it becomes very distracting, almost unpleasant. Flashing lights have sounds depending on the color, the rate at which they blink, how fast they fade on or off, etc and, inversely, music has shapes and almost tangible features when I listen to it or remember it. When in the 2nd grade, my class was asked to close our eyes and listen to a ballet piece played on a tape player and then describe what we saw. The usual answer was that students "saw people dancing", while I got disturbed looks from the teacher when I described a landscape with twists and turns, mountains, spirialing staircases, and the texture and color of the grass on the hills.

"Cool! You have LSD trips all the time!"
"Not quite."

So, you think you got problems? I think everyone does!

03-01-2004, 11:57 AM	#1
Kitsune still eats dirt Join Date: Sep 2003 Location: Tampa, FL Posts: 3,031	You're All Fucked in the Head! ...but who isn't? I know I've got my issues, some of them serious. I've seen immense spillings of depression and life stories on this board and the 'net in general and, in all, I think it is a bit of a good thing. It always feels good to get stuff off your chest. So, here's to mental issues! What are the issues in my head? I went through some depression mixed with anxiety, but I was able to get through it. It was not fun times and, for awhile, I was quite sure I needed to see someone about it, as an unusual fear of death became a little too overwhelming at times. While I never went to see a shrink concerning my days in the dumps, I did see a cardiologist about my heart pounding all the time and the occasional skipped beat. He kicked me out, told me to not come back, and to find something that made me happy and take my mind off of work. I elected to not go the way of drugs and I think it was a wise decision -- too many people, I know, are on various doctor issued drugs for their problems and I've seen a lot of people changed for the worse because of it. Many of them lost their creativity and interest in having fun when they started taking pills for ADD/depression/etc. They were very much changed people, almost as much as someone who had become addicted to illegal drugs. Insurance companies, by the way, are real assholes when it comes to dealing with all of the above issues. My other issue is one that made my childhood days really difficult -- I had a hard time explaining to teachers and other students various things concerning math, numbers, and music. The problem was bad enough that I was nearly held because because of my inability to concentrate and comprehend. It wasn't until years later that I began reading about synethsia, a disease in which the pathways in the brain cause senses to be confused or crossed, that I found parallels and an explanation for what I was experiencing that no one else seemed to understand. I associate numbers and letters with specific colors (2 is blue, 3 is yellow, 4 is green, 5 is a deep red, etc) and if numbers or letters are presented in colors other than what I know it becomes very distracting, almost unpleasant. Flashing lights have sounds depending on the color, the rate at which they blink, how fast they fade on or off, etc and, inversely, music has shapes and almost tangible features when I listen to it or remember it. When in the 2nd grade, my class was asked to close our eyes and listen to a ballet piece played on a tape player and then describe what we saw. The usual answer was that students "saw people dancing", while I got disturbed looks from the teacher when I described a landscape with twists and turns, mountains, spirialing staircases, and the texture and color of the grass on the hills. "Cool! You have LSD trips all the time!" "Not quite." So, you think you got problems? I think everyone does! Last edited by Kitsune; 03-01-2004 at 12:01 PM.