Quote:
Originally Posted by xoxoxoBruce
Hmm, so the choices are...
Acquiesce to his demands requests, and feel financially secure while you beat the cancer and achieve your academic/professional goals.
Or, get a pitbull lawyer and stick to your plan, by making him stick to the agreement, and risking have everything blow up in your face.
Of course the first option, putting him back in control, may result in him pressuring you(or at least trying to), to give up your professional goals, preferring to have you safe at home away from bad influences... at least long enough to rearrange his finances. Even if he allowed you to continue, you'd have the stress of having failed to make the break you wanted, plus almost certain the stress you felt before you made the break.
The second option gives you the stress of fighting for what was previously supposed to be settled, and the possibility of not being physically strong enough to finish school/licensing. In other words, failure.
Looks like either way it won't be easy, so I guess it comes down to whether making the break was necessary, or just looked like a better option. How bad do you want it, what will you risk to try?
Well after all that thinking out loud (blovating) I wish I had some sage advice. But it looks to me like you're the only one that can make the decision.  |
Yeah ... this diagnosis changed a lot. I needed to leave, I was self-destructing otherwise. Too unhappy for too long. It wasn't just a better option. But here I am, alone, with health insurance for only two years and who knows after that whether I'll ever get it again? (If Romney gets in, the answer to that is clear.)
I was starting to toy with the idea that the ex and I could be friends, could maybe go on a few trips as friends, share some things. He's the devil I know (less scary than taking on devils I don't) and as long as he kept on as he was, it would've been feasible. It's when old patterns and behaviors show up, like the fanatical control over money thing, and the desire to have life arranged to his convenience (my work included), that my spirits drop and I don't know that this can work.
If I go it alone I may fail totally. I may get really sick later in chemo and lose time/lose my job; I may have a recurrence within 18 months (lots of women do), and be without insurance right when I need more chemo; I may really crash and burn.
Is it wrong to return to the property that's really MINE, take comfort in that, and try to keep my boundaries up? It's obviously going to be an ongoing battle. And the issue of having worked so hard to get away, only to get sucked back in.
It's all too much. I don't think I can make this decision tonight. It's just depressing that the facade only lasted such a short time. Guess it's better to know early on, like with my 'friend' who turned out not to be one.