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Trilby · 11-10-2012, 04:46 PM

I rarely cry. I think it's the meds. They numb me up so much-but it's better to feel nothing than to feel like you want to put an axe in your head.

Sometimes I think I am more cyborg than human. I can watch all the Feed the Children commercials you can throw at me but show me ONE abused animal and I'm changing the channel, ya know? Isn't that weird?

I find most people dull; but, again, maybe that's the meds. I've been on them forever but every time I try to go off them - I'm off a cliff. Better to stay numb than in pain. I know a lot of pop songs don't agree with that but I've lived with that pain and I say no thank you.

eta: I know a couple women that are okay but they speak entirely in cliches! AND they think they're being funny/original! I can't fake laughter very well and they've sort of disengaged themselves from me, which is fine (they are AA buds, nothing more) but one of them is really really smart, she's just----i guess suppressing so much rage that she can only communicate in pat conversations.. The one time she got real with me she was crying. She says I'm fake but I think that's projection on her part. she has to appear to be IN CONTROL (like Dexter) of EVERYTHING all the time. She once told me she wasn't 'warm and fuzzy' so not to expect that. Okay, that's fine. but I, for all my numbness and problems with personal relationships LIKE warm and fuzzy, NEED warm and fuzzy and from here on out, by god, will seek the warm and fuzzy people of this mighty land.

sorry. got carried away there.

11-10-2012, 04:46 PM	#6
Trilby Slattern of the Swail Join Date: Jul 2004 Posts: 15,654	I rarely cry. I think it's the meds. They numb me up so much-but it's better to feel nothing than to feel like you want to put an axe in your head. Sometimes I think I am more cyborg than human. I can watch all the Feed the Children commercials you can throw at me but show me ONE abused animal and I'm changing the channel, ya know? Isn't that weird? I find most people dull; but, again, maybe that's the meds. I've been on them forever but every time I try to go off them - I'm off a cliff. Better to stay numb than in pain. I know a lot of pop songs don't agree with that but I've lived with that pain and I say no thank you. eta: I know a couple women that are okay but they speak entirely in cliches! AND they think they're being funny/original! I can't fake laughter very well and they've sort of disengaged themselves from me, which is fine (they are AA buds, nothing more) but one of them is really really smart, she's just----i guess suppressing so much rage that she can only communicate in pat conversations.. The one time she got real with me she was crying. She says I'm fake but I think that's projection on her part. she has to appear to be IN CONTROL (like Dexter) of EVERYTHING all the time. She once told me she wasn't 'warm and fuzzy' so not to expect that. Okay, that's fine. but I, for all my numbness and problems with personal relationships LIKE warm and fuzzy, NEED warm and fuzzy and from here on out, by god, will seek the warm and fuzzy people of this mighty land. sorry. got carried away there. __________________ In Barrie's play and novel, the roles of fairies are brief: they are allies to the Lost Boys, the source of fairy dust and ...They are portrayed as dangerous, whimsical and extremely clever but quite hedonistic. "Shall I give you a kiss?" Peter asked and, jerking an acorn button off his coat, solemnly presented it to her. —James Barrie Wimminfolk they be tricksy. - ZenGum Last edited by Trilby; 11-10-2012 at 04:51 PM.