I'm thinking of resigning from my job.
To do what? That's what the 'rents are worried about. Never mind my high blood pressure, two anti-depressants, one anti-anxiety, and constant gastric distress (ulcers maybe?.)
I was on one anti-d when I started here.
I've never not excelled at everything I've tried except sales. My chance to 'shine' and explain my difficulties (while repeating the huge number that is my responsibility...to keep me a bit anonymous let's say closer to 100 million dollars than to 50 million dollars) while the office is restructured have been met with...oh the tinge of implication that I can't prioritize, that I'm doing something wrong, that I'm lazy, that I'm crazy...
My talking with consultants, leaders, HR...all deaf ears, while at the same time making changes right and left to accomodate cow orkers.
To sit in a staff meeting and be told the reason part of my paperwork (that any monkey could process) has such a quick proclaimed turn around time as opposed to two months for another process is that they 'have other responsibilities.' Really? Oh, yeah, and I don't. I won't see any of you in July just as I don't see you now giving a crap about the magnitude of my job. Instead, a MIss Thang who is about the lowest on the totem pole can run cry to bigwigs that we don't ask 'how high' because she snapped her fingers and negates all the extra things I do, every term, that takes hours, that save enrollments to the tune of hundreds of students. When students come to my desk and tell me no one has EVER helped them like I did, or showed them respect. Unbelievable.
But egad: whatever will I do? If my job goes the world ends. Did you know that? Apparently, that is the way it is to MY friends and family. Suck it up. It's just a job. Commit fraud if it helps you achieve your goals. It's your fault, you've fucked it all up somehow (and how? I've been working since I was a young teen and never fucked anything up as it relates to my work ability.) Let the job change you. Let it make you bitter and unethical. Go in every day and feel like the red-headed stepchild. YOu HAVE to. You have children to think of. Except I don't. Your sissy law survived it. Maybe I need to get me a successful husband so I have an equally soft mattress to fall back on, so I can just check out of the employment world altogether. Becasue you know, none of that was her fault. Like it will be your fault. Or be like the other sissy law who is super super woman. That's who I should be.
If only I were MORE perfect. If only I were BETTER. It can't be the fault of anyone but ME. Right? Yes, let's make sure that your feelings about how much I suck match mine.
Ranting. Hurting. Fuck it. All. of it.
Last edited by anonymous; 01-15-2013 at 08:00 AM.
|