The Cellar - View Single Post

infinite monkey · 02-15-2013, 07:30 AM

I had hoped that 'this time' things would get better. I haven't totally counted that out, but I also haven't counted out that this could be my last day.

Vacation time accrues with every pay period. I never had many times where I could say "it would be a good time to take some vacation" and hence I would instead get sick (both physically and mentally) and take sick time. Now, it seems, I can't even use 15 min. personal time if I happen to be late (and I'm typically here earlier than a lot of folks who live like two minutes away...and I have that long commute through the gauntlet to hell.)

So, after today, you're right. I need to make plans. I will undoubtedly take a pay cut. I will undoubtedly not have the bennies I get here. There's the rub. Money isn't everything, I know I know I know...but living paycheck to paycheck had its own stressors.

I ran into the woman that the Reign of Terror put through the ringer before getting rid of her (I haven't been through anything like what they put her through...it was sinful) and she told me she was so beat down before she left here that she's taking baggage to her new work, without realizing she's doing it at first. However, she is very happy and has a new career and even looks better.

I'm doing better, but I know I have a long way to go. I will bide my time here for a while, because I need to keep working on my coping...until I feel strong enough for leaving. If they accelerate that process by popping a cap in my ass, I will deal with that...but that offers a little more freedom and hope for compensation than me walking out.

Blue, I do try that. I mean, it is what it is (I know, cliche) and I can't do more than I can do...but that doesn't mean much if they don't acknowledge it. They think I'm just sandbagging.

The interim Dir seems to be an advocate for me. That could be illusion: he could just be THAT good...but if he is the person he seems to be I *think* he is picking up what I'm throwing down.

So thanks again everyone for putting up with my continued rants. I knew that there would be no easy fixes, but I still get very overwhelmed, and feel scared (of the unknown of losing this job) and am wracked with anxiety. But I'm doing better. Venting here has helped more than y'all could know. Hearing others' stories helps more than I can say.

p.s. the precious minutes spent typing this were while waiting for the results of a test run on one of my processes I'm trying to fix...so work is actually occurring as I type...as it usually is.

02-15-2013, 07:30 AM	#19
infinite monkey Person who doesn't update the user title Join Date: Mar 2011 Posts: 13,002	I had hoped that 'this time' things would get better. I haven't totally counted that out, but I also haven't counted out that this could be my last day. Vacation time accrues with every pay period. I never had many times where I could say "it would be a good time to take some vacation" and hence I would instead get sick (both physically and mentally) and take sick time. Now, it seems, I can't even use 15 min. personal time if I happen to be late (and I'm typically here earlier than a lot of folks who live like two minutes away...and I have that long commute through the gauntlet to hell.) So, after today, you're right. I need to make plans. I will undoubtedly take a pay cut. I will undoubtedly not have the bennies I get here. There's the rub. Money isn't everything, I know I know I know...but living paycheck to paycheck had its own stressors. I ran into the woman that the Reign of Terror put through the ringer before getting rid of her (I haven't been through anything like what they put her through...it was sinful) and she told me she was so beat down before she left here that she's taking baggage to her new work, without realizing she's doing it at first. However, she is very happy and has a new career and even looks better. I'm doing better, but I know I have a long way to go. I will bide my time here for a while, because I need to keep working on my coping...until I feel strong enough for leaving. If they accelerate that process by popping a cap in my ass, I will deal with that...but that offers a little more freedom and hope for compensation than me walking out. Blue, I do try that. I mean, it is what it is (I know, cliche) and I can't do more than I can do...but that doesn't mean much if they don't acknowledge it. They think I'm just sandbagging. The interim Dir seems to be an advocate for me. That could be illusion: he could just be THAT good...but if he is the person he seems to be I think he is picking up what I'm throwing down. So thanks again everyone for putting up with my continued rants. I knew that there would be no easy fixes, but I still get very overwhelmed, and feel scared (of the unknown of losing this job) and am wracked with anxiety. But I'm doing better. Venting here has helped more than y'all could know. Hearing others' stories helps more than I can say. p.s. the precious minutes spent typing this were while waiting for the results of a test run on one of my processes I'm trying to fix...so work is actually occurring as I type...as it usually is.