[orthodoc]

Thanks, guys - I appreciate the offer to drop the dime on this guy, but I'm leery of having it happen too close to the time my daughter told me this ... she'll never believe it wasn't me (and it would be, indirectly). But don't worry, I will follow through on it. Just not tonight.

Thank you all for your encouragement. I appreciate your perspective, Ali. I know exactly what you mean - I was not permitted to do anything, not date, nothing, in high school - and then made some major mistakes mostly through utter naiveté once I went to university. Ouch. But my dd had a bf in high school, she dated, had friends she went out with, went to the prom, did marching band (with trips and band camp) ... and had a year at university about 90 minutes from our town before heading across the country to 'follow her dream'. I'm just so confused. It has to be the influence of this guy. He's a classic too-intense-too-soon isolating control freak. He's good - she thinks all this stuff is her own idea. I guess - as long as he doesn't actually kill her - she will have to hit rock bottom. The problem is children. I see her getting pregnant (I fully expect that she already is, and this is just one more 'little' thing she's not mentioning) and then, even if she manages to leave him, she'll never be rid of him once children are involved. And this will put the lid on her career aspirations. But maybe there never were any.

I worked so hard to go to university and follow my dream. My parents weren't at all supportive, in theory or financially. I became obsessive about taking care of details because one mistake would land me on the street. I didn't think I'd coddled my kids; but every young person is different. Two of my sons are hard workers, organizers, planners, meticulous and goal-oriented. My second son, and my daughter, don't operate that way. They all grew up in the same household. I guess nature trumps nurture in the end.

I'm still numb. I fell off my diet and bought wine and tiramisu. Probably skip the tiramisu and drink the wine.

It wouldn't be so hard, but she's my only daughter and we've been so close - I thought we were so close - all these years. Rode horses together, spent so much time together, I thought I knew her. So to not be worth a phone call feels bad. Time to open the wine.