I want to throw my hands up in the air and surrender. White flag. Better yet: retreat! Run away! Run away!
We had a system consultant in and he was really on my side. It was like 3 days of whirlwind meetings, about all sorts of things.
So he gave me some options and ideas...but nothing seems to be working right. I'm trying to wrap my head around all the info I got in the past few days but I feel completely confused. (I do have trouble concentrating these days. I don't know if it's mostly that, a symptom of my depression, or mostly how hard this system...in our configuration...is to work with.)
So the project is priority 1 is giving me fits. I'm getting emails asking for numbers. I can't give numbers when the reports don't return what I need. And...the other things that need done arent' getting done.
I'm completely stressed and full of anxiety and I don't know what to do. One person finally understood the challenges I face, and now he's gone, and I can't get where I need to be.
Going forward I think I have the right processes in place to make this so much easier. But I still have two years of crap to fix, and they offered me The Sidler to help...which is nice and I know he will help but he also comes into my office saying "are you doing that what about that and you can do this..." and I don't know when he knows what he's talkign about and when he doesn't and it just confuses me more.
I am so freaking tired in my brain. I'm finally in a spot where I can at least see the hurdles, but I doubt if I even make it over the very first one. Maybe I need to say "I just can't do this. I just can't." Even the swooper said that we have a lot of work ahead (all of us) and this last week...well, not like any of us can say "whew, that's done." Yet I still have all this pressure and I don't know what to do.
And the only person in charge I would feel safe going to doesn't work on Friday.
I'm crying my fucking face off. This isn't right. I'm not right, this isn't right. I'm losing my marbles.
