I dunno. I never saw it like that.
Yes I saw the dead and dying and disappointment and ditress I was causing outside the noose.
But inside the noose? I never saw redemption. I just saw nothing. No more pain. All gone, everything gone, even peace. Dead body, no more reason to hurt.
The temptation is still there. Death on my own terms, not on a ward dying slowly of cirrhosis.
But the Quaker Meetings are a help.
I'm still a long way from Faith, but I like their mindset.
Could do with a bit of singing occasionally, though
Make a joyful noise unto the Lord and all that.