[orthodoc]

Last summer and fall Claudette told me it was my time to be selfish. She told me to do whatever I needed to do to get through - and if that meant accepting help from my ex, so be it. She also told me to stop focusing on my guilt toward others and let them deal.

She was right, and so are you. I've managed to detach from issues that my second son tries to lay at my feet ... that's been a process over many years. I can now love him, be supportive, but hand his issues and accusations back to him to deal with. There haven't been the same crises and confrontations with my other two sons or my daughter and that handing over of responsibility hasn't happened in the same way. My first son has rarely talked about his memories or trauma, so on the few occasions that it's happened, it was hard for me. My third son is very articulate, and he has the ability to cut my heart out with a few words and hand it to me. That's what happened (again) the other night.

But my kids are all adults now, (turning) 21 - 27. You're right, my job is done. Time for them to make what they want to of their lives. I gave them my best, and though I made mistakes, they always knew I loved them. I didn't have that in my upbringing. I know it's why I overcompensated with my own children.

So ... thank you for calling bullshit. I can't do this anymore, I did the best I could and they know it. Even the parish they think was so awful ... sure, the people weren't perfect. They were human, that's all. Not villains, just humans with typical faults. And while the discipline of an Old Rite Russian Orthodox parish might seem strict to some (we stood in services for 1 1/2 hours on Saturday nights and an equal time on Sunday mornings, and the kids learned some Old Slavonic), many kids endure far more grueling schedules at marching band practice, gymnastics, or other athletic or academic pursuits. My sons have admitted the advantage of knowing some Ukrainian, some Russian, and some Slavonic, as well as the French they learned in Canada. Chinese parents in Canada demanded far more of their kids. By those standards I wasn't a tiger mom at all, and our household wasn't any sort of chamber of horrors.