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Election April News Update
With over half of the states votes having been tabulated, candidate Soldiers is in a clear lead. It seems the controversies over campaign funding, slanderous commercials, and an alleged kickback scheme in a Soldiers-owned tongue depressor factory, have not diminished this candidate's voting base.
Cowboy is in second place with four states won, compared to Soldiers' seven. Candidate Cowboy has been hampered by a weak debating style, but his youthful vitality and road kill barbequeing skills make him popular with a large audience.
Third party candidate Mr. Evil is not doing so well. With only three states taken so far, it is unlikely he will be voted in, but it is still statistically possible. Candidate Evil was hampered in the early days of campaigning because of rumors of an alleged affair with a chicken sexer from Nebraska.
Stay tuned here, where the news never stops (being made up)...
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