[Flint]

If children are so resilient like everyone says, then why do I remember feeling so much turmoil, confusion and divided loyalties for years after my own parents were divorced? And trust issues which not only continue to this day, but are completely validated--people ARE selfish assholes who will do shitty things. So if children are so resilient, what does that mean--they'll learn sooner that the trials of life leave you with defining scars?

My son is like me--he just wants people to get along. He wants everyone to be okay, in a situation where that isn't possible. I know how he feels because I see it, and I remember feeling that way. My daughter is more emotionally mature, but if she is imprinting her stability on this situation, my concern is that she will have no idea what a relationship is--are people just pawns to be manipulated to suit your own purposes? Why not, if happiness is so easy to achieve by crawling over the backs of people you've betrayed?

Once I get free from this situation, the kids will see me being happy and stable and awesome. And they'll see their mother and I trying to cooperate and respect each other. The disingenuous aspect of this is that I will be compelled to treat someone with respect, out of necessity, whose actions haven't been honorable. I didn't make the decisions that created this situation, but I'll be the one carrying the burden. Picking up the pieces and making the best of a shitty situation--but what lessons will the children take away from this? And how, exactly, does that magical resilience I've heard so much about protect them from being fucked up by this?