The Cellar - View Single Post - Tightening the reins without making it appear so

Pico and ME · 09-28-2014, 01:30 PM

Yeah, setting straight forward guidelines and then rigorously following thru with the consequences when they are not met is the bottom line basis for parenting. Finding ways to make that as stress free as possible is the challenge.

My step son was failing school as early as the 2nd grade. His second grade teacher even begged his dad to keep him on his Adderall...and even offered to pay for it, if that was the issue. They wanted to hold him back after the fourth grade, but his dad talked them out of it. When I came on board I promised him we would get him through school with good grades. It ended up being the fight of my life and was mostly very, very ugly...for all of us. The stress level was to the roof. He couldn't see the benefit and so pretty much refused to even try. The screaming and fighting from all of us was nearly on the crazy side. Yeah, we were losers as parents, but we didn't know how to change him or us at that time.

Finally, in 7th grade, he came home with all F's one semester. In total desperation, I went to Barnes and Noble and bought nearly $200 in books on treating ADD. The smallest and cheapest book had the solution. It was a sheet of paper that he took to school daily to have every teacher sign. They only signed it if he fulfilled all the categories...1)Turned in homework, 2) Was averaging a C in class, and 3) Behaved well in class. If he missed just one signature or didn't have the paper at all - no matter what the reason - then he was grounded for that night. No phone, no games, no TV, and no going outside. Our only responsibility as parents, when it came to his studies, was checking that he had the paper fully signed every day. From that point on. we never reminded him about homework or studying for quizzes and tests. If he needed help, he had to ask and so we would.

It took him a couple of weeks to understand that we weren't flinching at all about following through with this. The day I really knew that it was working, was when he came running back into the house one morning before getting on the bus. He had left his homework in his bedroom. There was a dance that night, and he knew he wouldn't be able to go if that paper wasn't fully signed.

His grades started to improve drastically. Mostly B's, some A's, and a few C's, but never anything less. Best thing of all, he did it all on his own and NO MORE FIGHTING.

09-28-2014, 01:30 PM	#12
Pico and ME Are you knock-kneed? Join Date: Jul 2008 Location: Middle Hoosierland Posts: 3,549	Yeah, setting straight forward guidelines and then rigorously following thru with the consequences when they are not met is the bottom line basis for parenting. Finding ways to make that as stress free as possible is the challenge. My step son was failing school as early as the 2nd grade. His second grade teacher even begged his dad to keep him on his Adderall...and even offered to pay for it, if that was the issue. They wanted to hold him back after the fourth grade, but his dad talked them out of it. When I came on board I promised him we would get him through school with good grades. It ended up being the fight of my life and was mostly very, very ugly...for all of us. The stress level was to the roof. He couldn't see the benefit and so pretty much refused to even try. The screaming and fighting from all of us was nearly on the crazy side. Yeah, we were losers as parents, but we didn't know how to change him or us at that time. Finally, in 7th grade, he came home with all F's one semester. In total desperation, I went to Barnes and Noble and bought nearly $200 in books on treating ADD. The smallest and cheapest book had the solution. It was a sheet of paper that he took to school daily to have every teacher sign. They only signed it if he fulfilled all the categories...1)Turned in homework, 2) Was averaging a C in class, and 3) Behaved well in class. If he missed just one signature or didn't have the paper at all - no matter what the reason - then he was grounded for that night. No phone, no games, no TV, and no going outside. Our only responsibility as parents, when it came to his studies, was checking that he had the paper fully signed every day. From that point on. we never reminded him about homework or studying for quizzes and tests. If he needed help, he had to ask and so we would. It took him a couple of weeks to understand that we weren't flinching at all about following through with this. The day I really knew that it was working, was when he came running back into the house one morning before getting on the bus. He had left his homework in his bedroom. There was a dance that night, and he knew he wouldn't be able to go if that paper wasn't fully signed. His grades started to improve drastically. Mostly B's, some A's, and a few C's, but never anything less. Best thing of all, he did it all on his own and NO MORE FIGHTING. __________________ Jesse LaGreca in 2012 “Seven Deadly Sins: Wealth without work, Pleasure without conscience, Science without humanity, Knowledge without character, Politics without principle, Commerce without morality, Worship without sacrifice.” – Mahatma Gandhi Last edited by Pico and ME; 09-28-2014 at 01:36 PM.