Quote:
Originally Posted by lumberjim
I'm also angry that you tried to give up. It's alright to fail. It's alright to be weak. It's fine if you're scared and tired and lonely. No one will fault you for it. We've all felt lost.
You deserve those bruises, though.
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Yes I do deserve these bruises. I didn't post them for sympathy (although I have in the past posted bruises I felt I haven't deserved for sympathy)
What I didn't deserve was all the effort people went to, to keep me alive. And yes I thanked each and every one of them.
I posted because if I go to a theme park, I post photos of a theme park. If I have a great day out with Dana, I post a great day out with Dana. So if I smash my face up, I take photos and show you. Just pray I never get a prolapsed rectum.
Now I'm not going to say "Walk a day in my shoes". Because I hate that cliché, and they wouldn't fit (another over-used joke) and it would cut no ice with you anyway.
And anyone can survive a day like the days I have. Some people for quite a while.
I can't write for suicides everywhere but for me I could not and still can't see a future. There are people FAR worse off. There are people with FAR harder lives. There are people who will never give up, not never not ever.
I'm not one of them. I am weak, yes. And tired, and lonely. And broken.
I do try.
I've managed 42 years and yes I am still pretty much trying. No, please don't pat my back too hard, I'm delicate, remember.
I don't ask for sympathy or understanding, even if sometimes it looks like that's what I want.
There are at least two people in my life who think I was treated extremely badly in order to end up in this situation. I disagree. I think I'm just me. And I'm just sharing.
Wait til I write the posts I start moaning about being in the madhouse - I probably will deserve the "Poor me" sobriquet then.
Honestly, it's terrifying, the lunatics could run it better and I'd still rather be there on many days. Just not the ones where they throw chairs at eachother during dinner. But hey, I've lost 26lbs because of it.
Even if with this (well earned) puffy face you'd never believe it. I must have slept (SIX HOURS!!! a recent record) on the bad side last night because today it looks like it might actually give birth.
But Carruthers is probably seeing it later and he can report back.
Trouble is he's such a gentleman he'll no doubt pretend I could still win Miss World.
Thanks to everyone for your kind comments.
And thank you for not pretending it was not a "cry for help".