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Undertoad · 06-09-2015, 06:03 PM

They were generally annoying, depending on how much drama was involved. I could not discern whether any of them had any concern for me. I was generally happier when there were no others involved. By the time something got serious enough to result in marriage, I was a teenager; he turned out to be a dick and one of his adult daughters was cruel to me* and nobody seemed to give much of a crap.

I feel like this is important for you to understand, Trace... as a young person, I did not have the capacity to understand the adult relationships that went on. I still don't know whether certain males were, uh, suitors or whatever you might say.

My own reaction to them was wholly based on my mother's reaction. It is as a dog: if you have a dog, they look to you to determine their own reaction. If they attempted to love me or concern me in any way, I looked to mom to know how to feel about that. My only concern was what it meant for her and what it would do to our situation. I had a lack of understanding at age 7 and I still had it at age 14.

I have not had children of my own. But I know for sure that with a single parent situation, the stability is what the child wants. Our life is already fucked up enough. If you, my single parent, go missing or unstable, I'm really fucked. So, when you are weak, I feel vulnerable. When you are threatened, I am terrified.

*Ah, sometimes, the beauty of the Internet hooking people back up. I wrote her a few sentences about her father's passing, and she apologized with some embarrassment. I realized I had forced her to recall the whole situation and the memory was unpleasant. I imagined her thinking, He was so nice to say something and I was always a horrible cunt to him. That's right bitch, victory is mine, because I play the long game. 30 years or more. Do whatever you like to me today. I'll be back.

06-09-2015, 06:03 PM	#4
Undertoad Radical Centrist Join Date: Jan 2001 Location: Cottage of Prussia Posts: 31,423	They were generally annoying, depending on how much drama was involved. I could not discern whether any of them had any concern for me. I was generally happier when there were no others involved. By the time something got serious enough to result in marriage, I was a teenager; he turned out to be a dick and one of his adult daughters was cruel to me* and nobody seemed to give much of a crap. I feel like this is important for you to understand, Trace... as a young person, I did not have the capacity to understand the adult relationships that went on. I still don't know whether certain males were, uh, suitors or whatever you might say. My own reaction to them was wholly based on my mother's reaction. It is as a dog: if you have a dog, they look to you to determine their own reaction. If they attempted to love me or concern me in any way, I looked to mom to know how to feel about that. My only concern was what it meant for her and what it would do to our situation. I had a lack of understanding at age 7 and I still had it at age 14. I have not had children of my own. But I know for sure that with a single parent situation, the stability is what the child wants. Our life is already fucked up enough. If you, my single parent, go missing or unstable, I'm really fucked. So, when you are weak, I feel vulnerable. When you are threatened, I am terrified. Ah, sometimes, the beauty of the Internet hooking people back up. I wrote her a few sentences about her father's passing, and she apologized with some embarrassment. I realized I had forced her to recall the whole situation and the memory was unpleasant. I imagined her thinking, He was so nice to say something and I was always a horrible cunt to him.* That's right bitch, victory is mine, because I play the long game. 30 years or more. Do whatever you like to me today. I'll be back.