Arthrites are little pointy speedboats which travel through the blood stream. They are built by the 1% of bacteria in the body who feel they are too privileged to swim like the plebeian bacteria. They have to be careful negotiating rapids(joints), but sometimes they get drunk and fail, causing the speedboats to get stuck in the joints. Worse they are laughed at and ridiculed by their peers, and by the 99% bacteria. Over time these wrecked speedboats build up in the joints causing stiffness and pain commonly called arthritis. So the obvious remedy is to soundly smack each joint with a hammer to break up the annoying speedboats, and drink lots of alcohol facilitate washing the debris away. Your mileage may vary.
