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Thanks, everyone. I looked into it further, and to get roughly 2-3 faxes per month my choices were:
1.) hook up the little fax receiver in my printer to my own phone number, which would mean futzing with physical cables (say what?!) and my dad would have to call and warn me every time one was about to come, or
2.) pay about $8 per month after an initial free trial.
Oh well, I'll pay it. I can write it off as a business expense, at least. For the record, my assessment for best value (i.e. good price but without malware or skeeziness) ended up being ringcentral.com. Just in case anyone else has to deal with a weirdo who straight up refuses to have an internet connection in his house.
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