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Dell's technical support team can LICK. MY. BALLS.
I have a hardware issue, either with the video card or the motherboard. It is 1000%, no-possible-alternative, crystal-clearly, a hardware issue. Dell support says we have to go through a few hours of diagnostics and OS reinstalls and "create a new user to see if it happens over THERE" bullshit. I already did all that troubleshooting myself, but they have a protocol, fine, I get it. We go through the rigamarole. Three or four times the guy asks me to describe again what exactly is happening, which is this spastic screen flickering and image rendering issue. He can't see it when he remotes into the desktop because it most reliably happens during bootup, which kicks him off his remote session. After checking everything else, he agrees it is a hardware issue, sends me a box, I send in the machine.
A week later I get my laptop back. They have replaced the LCD screen and the hard drive, neither of which were suspected to be the problem. Within an hour of beginning to set my machine back up, it full-on bluescreens. Fuckers. I try to keep going, the bluescreening gets worse, and meanwhile the flickering issue has not resolved in the slightest, despite being "checked for full functionality" before leaving the repair depot.
It now occurs to me to take my phone and record a video of the flickering issue. I do so, put the video on the desktop, and call IT support again. The woman wants to run diagnostics, refuses to watch the video I've helpfully created for her. After 30 minutes, at exactly the stroke of 7:00 PM my time, she has "internet connectivity issues." 5 minutes later I receive an email saying I can call back, give them this reference number because she is now off her shift. Internet connectivity my ass.
Shortly after, I get an email from the guy at the repair depot. "Just confirming that everything is working great! Reply if there are any remaining issues." Oh hooray, maybe I can skip the first-tier support bay and start with people who already know what's been done so far. I reply. He does not. I wait all weekend (really I was too busy to deal with any of this anyway.)
Monday morning. I open yet another chat session. I say please look at the previous logs. The problem is described in detail, and the failed attempts to solve it should be too. It's a hardware issue. They need to replace the video card and/or the motherboard. "Let's just check and see if we can correct the bluescreen errors first." FUUUUUCCK. YOOOOOOOU.
I ask her to watch the video. She ignores me. She spends the next 2.5 hours fucking around with drivers and diagnostics, then it helpfully bluescreens again. She calls me, I tell her what the error was, and connect her again. It bluescreens again. I tell her what the (different this time) error was, and connect her again. I ask her again to PLEASE just watch the video. She ignores me. She spends another 1.5 hours finishing her diagnostics, has me try to reproduce the flickering issue ("Yes, it's still happening." "Okay, try again now." "Yes, it's still happening." "How about now?" "Yes." "It's still happening?" "Yes." "Describe again what exactly is happening." "I took a video. It's on the desktop.")
She finally watches the video. "Oh. This clearly looks like it is a hardware issue."
NO. SHIT. SHERLOCK.
They're going to send me another box. So I can send it back to the repair depot and get the video card and/or motherboard replaced. Or maybe they'll decide to replace the memory this time, because why fucking not?
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