[BigV]

I just want to think and moan and cry out loud here for a bit...

My kids, God, I'm so wracked for my kids. ElderSon lives in Denver. He has been in blithe denial up until about Thanksgiving. I spoke with him and set him right. He responded appropriately. It's easy to live your own life as a young, employed, single, college graduate, a time zone away from your parents, no? Easy, but not prudent under these circumstances. He *did* take my advice to heart and drove here for the holiday. He was here for two weeks, seeing his mom for the first time since her rapid decline has begun. It hit him very hard. I got to see him for an hour or so at the restaurant the night he arrived, just after he'd seen her.

Even though he was here for only two weeks, the respite he was able to provide for his brother was a welcome relief for everyone. Tink misses him, of course. Seeing him was really great, and he avoided the potential tragedy of missing seeing her at all before "the call". I feel good for him and for Tink about that. He was very sad to have to leave, but he did have to. Of course he'll be back, but I fear the circumstances of his next visit will be dire.

BelovedDaughter moved out of Seattle (which she loves, she's a city girl, not a suburban girl) and out to the 'burbs renting an enormous house with her boyfriend. This big ol' house is only five minutes from the small place that Tink lives in now. The plan was to have space to let Tink move in with them. Tink and SonofV for that matter, the house could have all four of them with bedrooms to spare. This wasn't a unilateral decision, they'd talked about it beforehand. But Tink won't move.

She can be exasperating. This, of course, is nothing new for Tink (and she'd say, with some justification, the same about all the others around her). But it seems like an unnecessary burden, physically, logistically, and psychologically to have her in her own house, with no room for anyone else except SonofV (and his friend when the friend stays over to help him and her). They fear they won't be able to respond in time to some accident which will then turn out badly. This fear is constant. They already do a lot for her, the bulk of the physical burden of the caretaking falling on SonofV's shoulders.

He does the cooking and cleaning, though I don't see him as much of a cook or a maid. He helps Tink with all of her personal needs, including transferring her everywhere she can't go with her wheelchair. Like to bed or to the toilet. Remember, Tink's place is just a small townhome-y style place, without roll-in bathrooms, etc. I do believe there's a hospital bed in the front room now, though.

Last night after dinner, BD, SonofV, Twil and I were sitting around talking and sharing each others' company after exchanging (late) gifts. We talked about all this stuff. They're sad, they're worried, they're resolute, they're realistic, they're concerned, they're respectful... I'm very proud of them, but what a fucking ordeal. I am trying to maintain a respectful distance, and ... it's complicated, right? Tink has a boyfriend/beau/partner/whatever. But that shit is complicated too. Documents are not signed, making the conversations only a social obligation but with no legal standing, the worst possible case.

I'm tired. I'm going to take a shower, maybe a nap. There's more to the story, but I feel a little better for having expressed the bit I have. Thanks guys.