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disenchanted · 06-02-2009, 12:23 AM

And thus is the nature of my hope, right or wrong, it seemed like we were both on track for marriage from a very early state. The more we talked about it and the more we let all those external doubts in, the more complicated it got.

I chose not to mention that she'd turned to her family a few months back, and they piled on all sorts or religious material (catholic, mostly) to get her...er..."prepared"?, and so in January when she said "Hey, it's really important to me that we be chaste from now on until we get married", I said "Ok, I don't understand it, but I'll respect it" (Seriously, I'm supposed to say "Hey, you don't get a say in that.")

I'm having to sort that all out in my head. Various friends, associates and cronies have expressed some shock that I didn't walk away from the relationship then, but I thought I was doing the right thing, and her insistence that we were preparing ourselves through her ritual was part of what made it so easy to blind myself to any negatives.

Granted, significant midstream religious change has already been added to my list of future warning signs, but I had this mountain of "Yeah, this is clear to both of us." which got held back by a sudden "Um...well....let's wait", and then it felt like the tidal wave was back on...of course it was easy to think we'd passed a minor obstacle and were back on track. And as I told Tiki at least a few times in this thread, I really got blinded by that. Avalanche, avalanche, small ridge, avalanche....we broke through some wall to fall off some cliff.

So yeah, I'm having a really hard time with this, and while some of the crowd might be right that she's stringing me along for her convenience, I just want to hang on to it for a bit longer. Because this wasn't a vetting process like some interview. Because this wasn't me trying to trick her into long-term commitment.

I'm a little lost and confused and right now I can't see whether or not leaving a door open or moving on is the best thing to do.

I'm glad that everyone here has offered their opinions. It's well appreciated, even if I've not been agreeable to all of them, and even if I'm still searching for a little more clarity.

06-02-2009, 12:23 AM	#246
disenchanted Resident President Join Date: Jun 2006 Posts: 81	And thus is the nature of my hope, right or wrong, it seemed like we were both on track for marriage from a very early state. The more we talked about it and the more we let all those external doubts in, the more complicated it got. I chose not to mention that she'd turned to her family a few months back, and they piled on all sorts or religious material (catholic, mostly) to get her...er..."prepared"?, and so in January when she said "Hey, it's really important to me that we be chaste from now on until we get married", I said "Ok, I don't understand it, but I'll respect it" (Seriously, I'm supposed to say "Hey, you don't get a say in that.") I'm having to sort that all out in my head. Various friends, associates and cronies have expressed some shock that I didn't walk away from the relationship then, but I thought I was doing the right thing, and her insistence that we were preparing ourselves through her ritual was part of what made it so easy to blind myself to any negatives. Granted, significant midstream religious change has already been added to my list of future warning signs, but I had this mountain of "Yeah, this is clear to both of us." which got held back by a sudden "Um...well....let's wait", and then it felt like the tidal wave was back on...of course it was easy to think we'd passed a minor obstacle and were back on track. And as I told Tiki at least a few times in this thread, I really got blinded by that. Avalanche, avalanche, small ridge, avalanche....we broke through some wall to fall off some cliff. So yeah, I'm having a really hard time with this, and while some of the crowd might be right that she's stringing me along for her convenience, I just want to hang on to it for a bit longer. Because this wasn't a vetting process like some interview. Because this wasn't me trying to trick her into long-term commitment. I'm a little lost and confused and right now I can't see whether or not leaving a door open or moving on is the best thing to do. I'm glad that everyone here has offered their opinions. It's well appreciated, even if I've not been agreeable to all of them, and even if I'm still searching for a little more clarity.