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I don't like to get to involved in relationship reading. Wtf am I to know about successful/unsuccessful relationships, right? But, I have to say, my hackles rise reading this one. She sounds either confused (run, run for the hills) or a games player (run even faster). Dis, I don't know you. And no matter what you type here, there is no way you can ever fully explicate what went on, not in this medium. So, please forgive me if this out of line:
You deserve better than this. She has played (consciously, or unconsciously) on your emotional state in an extremely controlling way. You got it wrong at the party? Sounds like you assessed that she was amongst friends and could handle herself. If she was having difficulty with the guy she coulld have easily moved across to where you were in the room full of people. You failed a test, clearly. Tests are like that. They're testing. Do you really want to live under constant testing? Perhaps she wanted you to be jealous? Well, jealousy feels awful. Why would she want you to feel awful? Perhaps she wanted your protection. But, from what? Must you always be on guard for non-dangerous threats which might provoke this need? The end result, whatever the nature of the test, is that the person being tested is regulating their behaviour and responses to accord with the other person's plan. A party is supposed to be a pleasant and relaxing thing. Convivial and fun. Not an assault course or an examination.
The onus on you to fall in with changing expectations is not fair. Nor is it conducive to an emotionally equal relationship. It is, unfortunately, the basis of a lot of relationships. At some point the person being tested has to make a choice. Either they dig in their heels and say, this is who I am; these are my natural and instinctive responses, take it or leave it....or they must alter who they are and establish new patterns and responses in line with the other person's expectations.
Be careful with yourself Dis. Be wary of giving up yourself in order to gain someone who will absorb you. You are worth more than that.
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