[DanaC]

27...

I was in a long-term relationship, living together in fairly large two-bedroomed, rented house, which let out onto a shared yard, and one of the houses sharing said yard was my Brother's. There he lived with his wife, his two little girls, one still a babe in arms, and his various critters, (including a very small and bouncy rhodesian ridgeback called Amber)

My brother and my partner, J, were business partners running a small design firm with a range of highly-crafted products for the counter-culture market. I worked for them intermittently depending on my health, which was pretty bad at the time. Asthma had gone haywire, constant chest infections, pleurisy at one point. Eczema on overdrive.

Mum had recently moved here and had a house up the road. She also occasionally helped out. And her new little puppy Dante would be playing in her garden.

I was both very happy and very unhappy. The sense of being part of a collective, and of being such a close little gang was lovely. We had such big dreams.

We also, J and I, had a beautiful brown bearded collie pup, called Pilau. He'd have been 5 months old as J and I both turned 27 in the February. We'd had him for three months and already he had become pretty much the most important thing in my life.

Online gaming was a big thing for me back then. I was fully into my 4 year stint on Ultima Online. Running a roleplay guild and flamewarring on the boards.

I think I probably did believe that the business would make it big. But in truth it had to carry too much for it's young shoulders, and the market we were heading into was just about to die on its arse. The product really was gorgeous. My brother is a stunning designer. But they were well-made and pricey, and in the end the market became one of cheaply made Indian imports. One of which was a near exact copy of our flagship design, made in cheap materials and without some of the cleverer features, the result, we later learned, of the engineering firm we'd employed sending some of our reject stock to one of our competitors.

We would eventually become embroiled in a lengthy and pointless legal action to try and protect our intellectual copyright, but by then, frankly, it was too late. Though other designs did well, that first blow would leave a wound. And then when our major clients started going out of business...and international markets became dangerous to engage in (the US in particular), the business would end in bankruptcy.

But that was still to come. At 27 we were planning international sales. I was attending the Goethe Institute in Manchester, learning German, and J was scoping out possible inroads to America. Together they were travelling about to various exhibitions, and seeing clients in Amsterdam and Germany.

And when they went away, it was just me and Pilau. And already a little part of me was wondering how it would be if it was just the two of us in a little house.

No more arguments. No more midnight tears, slammed doors, rows over the dog's training regime, awkward silences, sinking feelings of life passing by ....

It was a funny year. In some ways the best. In others not. J and I were so tight in some ways. Closer than ever. But the treacherous little voice had already started. Did I want kids? Really? Given that I wanted to kill him every time he shouted at the dog, the idea of co-parenting was beginning to scare me. And...actually, I wasn't even that sure I wanted them anyway.

There were ups and downs to follow. Times of closeness, times of utter despair. We'd been together for 9 years. We'd stay together for another three and a half years.