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Old 12-14-2017, 04:12 PM   #15
DanaC
We have to go back, Kate!
 
Join Date: Apr 2004
Location: Yorkshire
Posts: 25,964
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I mean, for one thing, 99% of this behavior happens entirely privately. 99% of it represents a power game which we're almost never party to.

I disagree. The very worst of this behaviour happens entirely privately - but there's a bunch of very overt stuff that all feeds into a culture in which this kind of behaviour becomes almost acceptable/expected/considered merely a natural outcropping of male - female interaction.

When a guy tells a rape joke to his mates - he is more than likely not himself a rapist, and probably would think doing such a thing vile - and it's likely most of the mates he's telling the joke too also think it vile - but that one guy, who doesn't think of himself as a rapist (because rapists wear balaclavas or ski masks and drag stranger women into the bushes) , but does see sex as a form of conquest and women as the prize, and is not above plying a co-ed girl with enough alcohol as to not be able to stand, might be laughing for different reasons - except he won't know he's laughing for different reasons because he probably assumes all his mates think the same way deep down.


Catcalling also doesn't generally happen in private. I have been insulted, flattered and frightened by catcalling, turn and turn about. When a car full of lads stops at the lights and one of them starts leering out the windows and making lewd comments to some 13 year old girls in school uniforms it's just a laugh - his mates probably laugh along, maybe call him a dickhead, but in an affectionate way - and then they drive off and it's forgotten.

Then there's the stuff that is very much in front of other people but which those other people just don't notice or pick up on. Like the boss who is always super picky with their female staff and super pally with the men, or gives the best projects to the men and passes over the women for promotion. I daresay it happens the other way around - but given the gender disparity in managerial roles across most industries, it is probably something that has tended to affect women more.

I've worked places where it has been known that one of the guys has wandering hands - was a bit of a lad. And there was a general attitude of oh well, what can you do . Though that is going back some years.

Not everything can or should be called out when you see it. But not laughing along at the friend who shouts 'show us your tits' to young teenage girls - or not laughing at a joke about rape where the rape victim is the butt of the joke and calling it out for the tasteless offensive shit that it is - that can sometimes be useful. Because it lets that guy, who doesn't really see women as human in the same way he and his mates are, know that his mates don't see women the same way. That it is in fact an aberation to see them that way and not the natural norm.
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