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Old 07-28-2019, 07:17 PM   #152
lumberjim
I can hear my ears
 
Join Date: Oct 2003
Posts: 25,339
I learned recently from Spencer, who had just found out, that Ripley had made one previous attempt 3 years ago. And that she had been taking anti depressants at that time. I don't know for how long or if she still was. I never saw it on the health insurance bills, her mother must have paid cash for the pills to keep it all secret.


I'm going to have to forgive her for that. She made that decision at that time with the info and brain that she had. Not understanding her policy of not communicating with me prevents me from understanding why she kept that from me. But then, she didn't tell Spencer either. He says she's feeling very guilty still.

I don't know if I could have done anything to help back then, but it would have been on my radar at least. Who knows. Finding out after, has opened the questions again. Both why she did this, and why her mother acts the way she does. Both unanswerable.

I just keep coming back to the fact that it isn't changeable, so being angry or guilty isn't useful going forward. I hope she can forgive herself. I really do. It's a lot to process for me, so she must be tormenting herself. I'm still a bit angry. But I'm also sympathetic to her situation.

Kind of a weird place to be in.
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This body holding me reminds me of my own mortality
Embrace this moment, remember
We are eternal, all this pain is an illusion ~MJKeenan
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