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Originally Posted by glatt

I've come to learn that for many (perhaps most) people, we are our own worst critics.

Imagine what you would say to a person who had done what you feel you are guilty of. Would you be as harsh to them as you are being on yourself?

That is almost purely positional.

The vast majority of the time, if you are going to talk to someone about anything that makes you feel bad, their instinct is to try to make you feel good.
The Louie c.k. bit is a perfect example of that - the friend giving horrible advice is actually doing what we'd expect most friends to do, she is showing empathy towards the person right in front of her with whom she's closest with, showing how strong of an ally she is by siding with her, empowering and supporting her, doing what she has to do to.. Be nice. And most people do this. to be nice on the most immediate level, to say nice things that people want to hear. She is probably not consciously lying either - that's not really part of the process.
She was given a description of an underlining conflict with the meaning and consequences of exactly one side of it, so describing it as a story with only one side really is acting on all the information that's available to her - it's simply that her position doesn't put her in a situation where she has any motive to ask herself differently and stop to think about it.
And just like her, with a few exceptions - most of which include odd barriers to empathy like gender or religion or a bias stemming from a previous personal narrative - most people are going to do the exact same thing.
So yes, as a result of that very particular position, other people around you - trying to support you - are usually less harsh critiques then you, because they hear only your side of the story.

Except that if the conflicting perspective is mutual, then there are probably plenty of people not around you who are way worst critiques of you because they are trying to support the other person and telling that person a one sided story in which you are the asshole / crazy bitch / villain in a simple black and white story.
So no, people aren't less harsh critiques then you, it just so happens to be that the people whose criticism you are exposed too is less harsh then your own by virtue of those people's position, which is to be exposed to you back.

That is almost never true for the people you've actually hurt, who unlike you or the people who empathize with you, are not in a position to continue life pretending that their own experience doesn't exist. Under some circumstances they might prefer it stay buried under a rug, but that's not exactly forgiving you either.

In my experience, people who - perhaps as a result of the above dynamic - take it to heart and outright believe that they are their own worst critiques, are usually doing so precisely because that is not true, in order to avoid acknowledging criticism that are worst then their own, by virtue of including the perspectives and emotional consideration of those they hurt. Others take is as an excuse to not have to face up to the consequences of their actions towards others, much like the example of the self flagellation I gave above and the resulting delusion of some sort of karmic balance - "I already hate myself for it, and that is punishment enough, why should I try to do anything to make this better or to figure out why I did it to avoid doing so in the future?"

I have met people who truly are worst critiques of themselves, and they have two distinct characteristics:
1. They never believe that - they tend to assume others are secretly hiding the same criticism they have towards themselves but aren't revealing it.
2. The reason the criticism is worst is not because of viewing the actions as worst, it's because the view themselves as static objects, they don't ask "what's wrong with what I did, the choices I made", they ask "what's wrong with me, with who I am". I think this is a result from a very particular way some people experience choice making, as if they never have any other choice but the one they've made.

Originally Posted by DanaC

We get one go around in this life, Trace, and the world is seldom kind.

To be kind to yourself at other people's expense is pretty much what most horrible actions are made of.