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I'm genuinely sorry you feel this way.
But I think it's a temporary feeling you have. You may not see a light at the end of the tunnel, and it may take some time for you to feel differently, but I think you will feel differently. Bruce posted that story about the people who were trying to kill themselves on Golden Gate Bridge, and were thwarted. Some researchers followed up with them years later and the vast majority of them were doing much better.
Things change, and this will change too.
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