[DanaC]

I think part of what allows me to be happy (much of the time), or at least content, was learning to let things go. There are times when an argument, or a fight, is useful and times when it is destructive. I try as much as possible to avoid the latter. Letting certain 'facts' about myself go was also helpful. I have eczema still, but it is not an essential fact of my being. It is not what defines me (except, presumably, at some subconscious level). Every so often, I find my mind travels back to the past and I feel the anger again, that feeling of spinning out of control, of the deck being loaded, the pitch tilted against me...but not so often. When I get a spell of that, I know I have fallen into depression (something else that I no longer cnsider a defining fact). Most of the time, I can think of those years without anger, without having to either relate so strongly to my childself that it is hurtful, or so divorced from as to be unfriendly. Likewise the years of relationship breakdown and my younger adult self.

Most of all, I think, learning not to give myself such a hard time over things has allowed me the headroom to deal with a lot of stuff that was holding me back. Learning to forgive yourself is an important thing, I think. learn the lessons, sure, but learn them kindly.

Probably the final thing I could defintively say has helped in making me a happier person, is actually reaching the conclusion that I don't want children, that I don't mind being the age I am (27-33, I had a serious problem with the whole age thing) and that I might at some point end up in another relationship, which would be alright. And that I might not, and that is also alright.