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hot_pastrami · 02-19-2004, 01:13 PM

That's a nice sentiment UT, and I agree.

But! Mr and Mrs V, it is so very risky to seek the opinion of uninformed outsiders on delicate situations like this. We don't really know either one of you well, nor where you're coming from. There is no way you can convey all of the pertinent information, there's a huge quantity of it, and much of it is abstract. Any advice we may offer is tainted by filling in the story's very large holes with experiences from our own lives.

For instance! I immediately identify with Stacey. I was involved with a Russian woman a few years ago, and after a time I became aware of a number of lies and half-truths, about some pretty important things, which she had led me believe. It was a shitty set of revelations... I felt used, betrayed, embarrassed, and naive. I became certain that she had no feelings for me, she wanted only to use me for citizenship and money. But she insisted that she loved me, and she sobbed broken glass when I ended the relationship.

So, the advice I instinctively want to give is, "The sooner you leave him, the less damage will be done." But what if Stacey, im a temporary attack of anxiety, has been a manipulative, emotionally blackmailing control freak, and Arsen were a genuinely nice guy, genuinely in love, who has long since let go of the former fling? That would make my advice, as well-intentioned as it may be, quite poor. And it could widen the rift between them, and help push it to the breaking point.

My point: Stacey and Mr. V.... if the two of you are incapable of resolving this problem on your own, seek professional, unbiased help from a therapist rather than well-intentioned but grossly underqualified and uninformed help from friendly strangers. A marriage is too important a thing to risk destroying with bias-polluted advice. Really.

02-19-2004, 01:13 PM	#75
hot_pastrami I am meaty Join Date: Dec 2001 Location: Salt Lake City, UT Posts: 1,119	That's a nice sentiment UT, and I agree. But! Mr and Mrs V, it is so very risky to seek the opinion of uninformed outsiders on delicate situations like this. We don't really know either one of you well, nor where you're coming from. There is no way you can convey all of the pertinent information, there's a huge quantity of it, and much of it is abstract. Any advice we may offer is tainted by filling in the story's very large holes with experiences from our own lives. For instance! I immediately identify with Stacey. I was involved with a Russian woman a few years ago, and after a time I became aware of a number of lies and half-truths, about some pretty important things, which she had led me believe. It was a shitty set of revelations... I felt used, betrayed, embarrassed, and naive. I became certain that she had no feelings for me, she wanted only to use me for citizenship and money. But she insisted that she loved me, and she sobbed broken glass when I ended the relationship. So, the advice I instinctively want to give is, "The sooner you leave him, the less damage will be done." But what if Stacey, im a temporary attack of anxiety, has been a manipulative, emotionally blackmailing control freak, and Arsen were a genuinely nice guy, genuinely in love, who has long since let go of the former fling? That would make my advice, as well-intentioned as it may be, quite poor. And it could widen the rift between them, and help push it to the breaking point. My point: Stacey and Mr. V.... if the two of you are incapable of resolving this problem on your own, seek professional, unbiased help from a therapist rather than well-intentioned but grossly underqualified and uninformed help from friendly strangers. A marriage is too important a thing to risk destroying with bias-polluted advice. Really. __________________ Hot Pastrami!