Quote:
Originally Posted by xoxoxoBruce
I've hoped to be shot in bed by a jealous husband at the age of 110, but I know that won't happen.
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A few months ago I was walking down the street and I run into my old friend Bruce, "Hey Bruce, what's new? I haven't seen you ages." I ask.
"Don't call me Bruce, Call me Mr. Lucky!"
"Huh?"
"Last month I was driving along minding my own business when I notice a semi loaded with steel, change lanes coming straight at me. I can't go around him because I'm blocked by a school bus on my left and there is a rock wall on my right. Just when I think it couldn't get any worse I see in the rear view mirror another semi, this one loaded with concrete pre-cast forms bearing down on me at top speed.
"The next thing I knew I was sitting in a hay wagon loaded with new-mown hay next to a voluptuous farm girl. I was miraculously ejected from the vehicle and landed unscathed.
"I sued both trucking companies and won a $25 million judgement from each of them."
"Holy crap! You are Mr. Lucky."
A couple of weeks later, I run into him again, "Mr. Lucky! What's happening?" I ask.
"Don't call me Mr. Lucky." he says, "Call me Mr. Lucky Lucky."
"Say what, now?"
"I decided to take a vacation to Hawaii with some of the scratch I got from the accident. Things were going great until we were just about to land when the plane had engine trouble and began a rapid descent. Unfortunately there was another plane right in our path and the two planes collided. Both planes were immediately destroyed, torn to shreds. Me and a stewardess were in the lavatory joining the mile-high club when it happened. The whole lavatory, with us in it, flew off in another direction from the rest of the wreckage and we made a safe landing in the water. Some dolphins pushed us to shore and we were the only survivors.
"We sued both plane companies and won $100 million and free first class airfare for life. Not only that, but the dolphins also pushed out luggage to the shore along with us."
"Wow. No question about it, you ARE Mr. Lucky Lucky!"
A few days ago, I run into him again, "Mr. Lucky Lucky! How's life treating you?" I said.
"Don't call me Mr. Lucky. Call me Mr. Lucky Lucky Lucky."
"Uh oh, what happened this time?"
He began, "Last week I was in bed with that stewardess I met, and we were really going at, hammers and tongs, when her husband (she never told me she was married!) burst in the door, pulled out a gun and shot me in the ass!"
"Ummm, How is that lucky?" I asked.
"Are you kidding? If he'd come in five minutes earlier it would have been the back of my head."