[lumberjim]

I wrote a little thing so I'd be ready when people decide they want a service for her. Spencer says he would not attend, doesn't need it. From what I'm hearing, Shelby is ambivalent and is deferring to his choice. Her sister deferring to her, etc. So if there is to be a service, I may have to instigate it.

And I'm torn. I had been feeling like I was waiting for some kind of closure, so I could move on. But since I've been re learning to take shelter in the present moment, that feeling has dissolved.

I know my family is expecting some kind of thing... And there is a picnic planned at the end of this month. So, I'm feeling like if we haven't done it by then, that could turn into it. And I really don't want to ruin that event.

I just don't want to push her mother and my son.

I guess it's not that big a deal.